As moms, we’re constantly under scrutiny, bombarded with unsolicited opinions and expectations from others. Learning to overcome judgment is crucial for finding peace and building confidence in our own unique parenting journey.
I’ll never forget one particular experience that taught me just how deeply these judgments can affect us—and how powerful it is to rise above them.
It was October 2018, and I had recently given birth to my eldest daughter. She was just three weeks old, and I was deep in the fog of postpartum blues.
At that time, I couldn’t understand myself. Tears would flow without any apparent reason, and I was overwhelmed by a wave of emotions I couldn’t control. Even though I had a healthy, lively baby, I wasn’t as happy as I thought I’d be.
Instead, I felt deeply sad, anxious, and overwhelmed by this new role that I hadn’t fully embraced yet.
To feel better, we started going out more. Since we lived in the city at the time, the mall became our go-to spot. After doctor visits, I wanted to feel normal again, and the mall, where I used to pamper myself, felt like a great escape.
One particular visit to the mall stands out vividly in my memory. While in the elevator, an elderly lady kept glancing at my newborn.
Finally, she asked, “How old is the baby?” I proudly replied, “Three weeks old.” Her expression instantly changed, and she said, “Oh, she shouldn’t be out in public places.” I managed a polite smile and remained quiet until she exited the elevator.
At first, her comment really got to me. I started second-guessing myself, thinking, maybe she was right. Maybe, I was endangering my baby by taking her out. I felt guilty for putting my own need for normalcy ahead of her well-being. The judgment made me feel like a bad mom, selfish even, for prioritizing my own feelings.
Understanding the Scrutiny
Let’s be honest, as mothers, we’re constantly being watched and judged by others. Everyone seems to have an opinion about what we should be doing, often from people who don’t even know us or really understand our situation.
These judgments, these unsolicited opinions, can weigh heavily on us, making us question ourselves and influencing our actions.
I was no different—I let those judgments get to me. I often felt swayed by external opinions, constantly second-guessing if my actions were acceptable in the eyes of others. This internal conflict frequently led me to stray from my principles and values, leaving me feeling lost and disconnected from my true self.
Shifting Your Perspective
So, how did I change my perspective and start seeing things differently?
I came across this Zen philosophy mentioned by Professor Paul Cline, a Psychology Expert, in one of his trainings: “Everything you are experiencing is a reflection of yourself.”
This means that your experiences are more about your internal state than the actual events happening around you. Situations act as triggers, revealing your true self through your reactions, which are deeply rooted in your belief system.
Reflecting on the elevator incident, I realized the elderly lady’s reaction wasn’t really about me or my baby. Her comments were a projection of her own fears and self-doubt. She saw something in my actions that mirrored a part of herself, prompting her unsolicited advice.
Now, whenever I encounter judgment or criticism, I remind myself that these reactions are more about the other person’s issues and personal struggles than about me. People often project their inner battles and insecurities onto us, often without being aware of it.
Here are four practical tips for living unbothered:
- Reframe Your Thoughts: When faced with judgment, remind yourself that it’s more about the other person’s issues than about you. Their opinions reflect their own struggles.
- Focus on Your Own Values: Stay true to your principles and what feels right for you. Let go of external pressures and trust your instincts.
- Practice Self-Care: Make time for activities that nurture your well-being. Prioritizing your happiness helps you remain resilient against negativity.
- Set Boundaries: Protect your mental space from unsolicited opinions. It’s okay to distance yourself from negative influences.
Empower Yourself
By reframing your thoughts, you’ll learn not to let others’ negativity affect your happiness.
It’s not about you—it’s about them.
Embrace this truth, and you’ll discover newfound freedom in living unbothered by what others think.
Remember, Mama, your journey is uniquely yours. Others may not understand your struggles or your decisions, and that’s perfectly okay.
Trust yourself. You are the best judge of what’s right for you and your children. Live confidently, stay true to yourself, and above all, let go of other people’s judgments. Your happiness and peace of mind are worth it.
So, take a deep breath, embrace your unique path, and shine with the confidence that only you can bring. Your well-being matters, and you have the power to live fully, free from the shadows of others’ opinions.