About two years ago, on a family trip when my second child was just a few months old, we were sitting together over coffee when a close family member I hadn’t seen in a while turned to me, looked me straight in the eyes, and softly asked, “So… how are you?”
Such a simple question, yet as soon as I heard it, something inside me gave way. I felt this surge of emotion rise up, and before I could stop it, tears were streaming down my face. I tried to answer, but my voice broke—I choked on my words, struggling to speak as the feelings overwhelmed me.
At that moment, I realized just how heavy my heart had become. Somehow, those three little words reached a part of me I didn’t even know I was holding back, unlocking feelings I’d kept buried inside.
For so long, I had been carrying the weight of motherhood, isolation, and my own silent struggles without ever acknowledging just how much I was suffering. Living on an island, away from family and close friends, I had withdrawn into myself, trying to handle everything alone. I feared judgment, and the idea of opening up felt overwhelming.
So, I kept quiet and held it all inside.
But that single question changed everything. It was a reminder that I didn’t have to carry my burdens alone. For the first time in years, I let myself be vulnerable and allowed someone to see the real me, beyond the “I’m fine” and the polite smiles.
It felt like a thorn being pulled out of my heart, and I realized that acknowledging my feelings wasn’t a sign of weakness. It was, in fact, a tremendous act of strength.
The Unseen Struggles We Carry
We all carry our own invisible burdens, hidden beneath the roles we play, the responsibilities we shoulder, and the smiles we put on for the world. As mothers, we tend to bury our own struggles in the background, prioritizing everyone else’s needs and making it seem like we have it all together.
But the truth is, many of us are fighting battles no one can see, and sometimes, all it takes to break down that wall is a simple “How are you?”
When I started opening up to my friends bit by bit, I was amazed by the love and support they offered. Some had known me for years, yet they had no idea how much I was struggling until I let them in. I realized that true friends, the ones who stand by us through every high and low, don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be real and honest.
One friend said that she assumed I was okay because I was quiet and not posting much on social media. Hearing my story, she realized that silence can sometimes be a sign of someone going through something difficult.
And as I began to let people in, I noticed something beautiful happening. Some friends who I thought were strong and self-sufficient began to open up about their own struggles, too.
A Ripple of Compassion
It’s amazing how a single question can create a ripple effect. After that turning point, whenever I saw friends or family, I made it a habit to ask first, ‘How are you?’ It became my way of checking in, showing I genuinely wanted to know how they were really doing.
Sometimes, the conversation was short; other times, it unfolded into something deeper. But every time, I could feel that it mattered. Even if it was just for a few moments, asking the simple question showed that you cared, and that alone can make all the difference.
A friend I hadn’t spoken to in years—a friendship lost to time and misunderstandings—reached out and confided that she was going through a tough season. She admitted to feeling utterly isolated, as though her struggles had gone unnoticed by everyone around her.
Despite the distance and years between us, I listened with an open heart, knowing all too well the ache of feeling unseen. In that moment, I wanted her to know she was supported and understood, that someone genuinely cared.
Our conversation wasn’t very long, but it seemed to bring her a sense of relief. Just having someone to share her feelings with offered a small comfort, a reminder that she wasn’t truly alone. I felt grateful to be that person for her, knowing firsthand how hard it can be to carry emotional burdens in silence.
Being able to listen and offer support was as healing for me as it was for her.
My doctor once told me something that stayed with me. During a check-up a few years back, I asked if she could recommend a therapist for me. She said:
“I can give you a few names, but you might also try reconnecting with friends and family. Sometimes, just talking, even without discussing problems, can be a powerful form of healing.”
At the time, I didn’t think it would help, but it turned out she was right. Simple conversations, checking in on one another—these small acts hold immense power.
Reaching Out: A Simple Yet Powerful Act of Love
In our busy lives, it’s easy to assume everyone is okay. We see someone’s quietness and mistake it for contentment.
But sometimes, silence is a shield people use to protect themselves, to hide their struggles. Reaching out with a heartfelt “How are you?” can be the lifeline they didn’t know they needed.
So, today, I encourage you to take that small step. Check-in on a friend, a family member, a fellow mom who might be struggling silently. Ask them, “How are you really doing?” and then—this part is essential—listen.
Truly listen.
Sometimes, it’s not about giving advice or solving their problems. It’s about being there, showing them that they’re not alone, that their feelings are valid, and that someone cares.
In doing so, you may find that you’re also creating a safe space for yourself, a network of support that goes both ways.
The Gift of “How Are You?”
In the end, “How are you?” isn’t just a question. It’s an invitation for connection, a reminder that someone is there, that you matter.
For those of us who feel overwhelmed, isolated, or just plain tired, those words can be like a warm hug—a small but powerful gesture that helps us feel seen.
As moms, we know the weight of love and responsibility. We give so much to those we care for, but let’s also remember the strength that comes from reaching out, from checking in, and from opening up ourselves. We don’t have to carry everything alone.
Today, try it. Reach out to someone with genuine care, and ask, “How are you?” You never know how much they might need it—and how much you might need it too.