Why the Transition to Motherhood Is So Hard, and How Feeling Lost Is More Normal Than You Think

I never thought I’d feel seen as a mom while watching a kids’ movie.

During our recent vacation, we visited the cinema and watched the live-action adaptation of How to Train Your Dragon. 

I didn’t expect to relate so much to a kids’ movie, but there was one scene that struck me deeply, because it felt so true to real life, especially the hard transition to motherhood.

It was during the dragon-training session. In their Viking village, teenagers are expected to train for one purpose: to fight and kill dragons—creatures believed to be dangerous enemies.

The teenage recruits—Hiccup, Astrid, Snotlout, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut—stood nervously at the edge of the dragon arena, expecting someone to walk them through the basics.

You could see it on their faces: the hope that maybe, just maybe, there would be a lesson first. A strategy, some kind of guidance, before they were thrown in.

But instead, Gobber—their gruff trainer who didn’t mess around—threw the gate wide open and shoved them straight into the pit with real dragons. 

No drills. No instructions. Just figure it out on your own.

One of them hesitated, clearly panicking. “Wait! Aren’t you gonna teach us first?” he yelled.

Gobber didn’t even flinch. “I believe in learning on the spot,” he shot back.

And just like that, they were forced to figure it out on their own—either survive, or fail and get burned.

That scene captured exactly what the transition to motherhood feels like…

No training. No manual. Just a tiny human placed in your arms and the unspoken expectation that you’ll figure it all out.

One moment, you’re only thinking about yourself — what to wear, what to eat, where to hang, what you want to become. And the next, you’re responsible for someone else’s entire world. 

You’re thrown into the deepest end of a role you’ve never done before. Sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, second-guessing every decision—and still, you’re supposed to look like you’ve got it all together.

Why the Transition to Motherhood Is So Hard

Looking back, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to walk through in my life is the transition to motherhood.

Not because I don’t love my child, or because I’m not grateful. But because…

No one really tells you what this transition does to you—your body, your mind, your identity, your sense of self.

That’s what makes the transition to motherhood so hard:

You’re not just caring for a new life—you’re also letting go of the one you used to have.

And no one prepares you for that.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why it feels this way. Because when I became a mother, I was completely lost in the process.

I felt exactly like those kids in How to Train Your Dragon—standing at the edge of the pit, terrified and confused. Thrown into a world I knew nothing about, expected to survive without any training.

Wasn’t there supposed to be… a manual? A guide? A warning?

But no one hands you a manual when you become a mom. There’s no guide. No briefing. Just you… and a whole new world to figure out.

They just place this tiny human in your arms and expect you to hold it all together, and somehow, not fall apart.

You’re expected to know what you’re doing, without ever being taught.

No one tells you how deeply the transition to motherhood hits—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. And when you start to struggle, you quietly wonder if something’s wrong with you.

But there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just learning in real time, just like those kids in the dragon pit. 

Only the fire you’re dodging isn’t from dragons— it’s from self-doubt, guilt, judgment, pressure, and that quiet fear that you’re not enough.

I remember going through the struggles of being a first-time mom, asking questions at every doctor’s visit, hoping for just a little reassurance. 

I expected empathy.. maybe even a gentle reminder that yes, this season is hard, but you’re doing okay. 

That it’s normal to feel this way… That feeling lost as a first-time mom doesn’t mean it will last forever.

I trusted them. They’re the experts, right? But even then, I walked out feeling heavier, with more self-doubt than I had when I walked in. 

Because the world looks at you like you’re supposed to just know, to be a natural, to have it all figured out, to hold it all together, no matter what.

I wasn’t asking for much. I just wanted someone—anyone—to say,

“Yes, this transition to motherhood is hard. And it’s okay to feel the way you do.”

I needed to hear that this season is tough, and that I’m not broken for finding it overwhelming. 

I just wanted someone to tell me to breathe. To take it easy. To remind me that I don’t have to get it perfect…I just have to get through it, one day at a time.

Because that’s the truth: 

The transition to motherhood is hard because you’re navigating all of it while emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Before you became a mom, your world only revolved around you.
What do you feel like eating?
What do you want to do today?
What dreams do you want to build?
What kind of life do you want?
Who do you want to become?

And then suddenly, everything shifts. Even before you’ve figured out the answers to those questions, your world starts revolving around someone else.

Now it’s all about this tiny human—
What they need.
What keeps them safe…
What soothes them…
Who they’ll become.

And at first, it feels beautiful. You love your baby so deeply, you don’t even notice what’s happening.

You’re proud. You’re in awe. Your heart is full. But then… something quietly begins to change.

Your needs start to disappear. People stop asking how you are. The focus is always on the baby.

And without meaning to, you start to feel invisible, like you don’t matter anymore, except in how well you care for them.

This is when it starts: that slow, silent unraveling. The part where you begin to feel lost in motherhood.

You start to feel guilty for even thinking about yourself, so you push your needs aside. And little by little… You begin to forget who you are.

And this— this is the part no one warns you about.

The part where you begin to disappear.

But the truth is, this is all normal. The confusion, the exhaustion, the losing and finding of yourself—it’s all part of the process.

It’s part of your becoming. This is how you learn, not by knowing everything from the start,
but by growing through it, one messy, beautiful, uncertain step at a time.

Why Feeling Lost or Ambivalent about Motherhood Is Normal and What to Do About It

If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at night, wondering,
“Why do I feel so off?”
“Why do I miss my old self?”
“Am I a bad mom for feeling this way?”

I want you to know: you’re not alone. And you’re not failing.
You’re simply in the middle of something no one really prepares you for.

Motherhood is a transformation—a complete identity shift. 

You don’t just “add a baby” to your life. Your entire life gets rewritten around that baby. Your routines, your energy, your body, your mind, your time, your dreams—everything.

And it’s normal to feel conflicted about that.

You can feel grateful and overwhelmed at the same time.
You can love your child deeply and still miss the freedom you once had.
You can feel joy in your role as a mother and still wonder who you are outside of it.

That doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human.

So, what can you do when you’re feeling lost?

Here’s what I’ve learned through my own healing and growth:

1. Give yourself permission to feel it all.

Motherhood isn’t just exhausting. It’s emotional whiplash. One minute you’re overwhelmed with love, the next you’re crying in the bathroom wondering if you’re enough. 

Don’t guilt yourself for feeling overwhelmed. Let your feelings rise without judgment. You don’t have to be happy all the time to be a good mom.

2. Name what you miss.

It’s okay to say you miss your old self. Your freedom, ambition, your alone time. Naming it doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. It just means you’re still figuring out how to integrate who you were with who you’re becoming.

3. Reconnect with you.

Even in small ways. A five-minute walk, a journal entry. A hot cup of coffee you don’t have to reheat. Anything that reminds you that you still exist outside of motherhood. Do it without guilt. Do it for you.

4. Ask for support, and accept it.

You don’t have to do this alone, Mama. Whether it’s a partner, a friend, a therapist, or even a community online, reach out. Let someone else hold space for you the way you hold space for everyone else.

5. Take the pressure off “perfect.”

You don’t have to be the Instagram mom or have it all together. Your child doesn’t need a perfect mom. They need a present one. A real one. One who’s learning and growing right beside them.

 

You’re Not Losing Yourself in Motherhood. You’re Becoming

In the movie How to Train Your Dragon, something unexpected happens.

One of the kids—Hiccup—meets a dragon. Not to kill it, but to understand it.
And through that connection, he learns how to train it, not with weapons, but with empathy. 

Not through fear, but through trust.

He learns more about the dragon… But also, more about himself.

He thought he wanted to be a dragon slayer. That was the identity he was chasing.
But through real experience—through trial, error, and vulnerability, he discovered who he truly was.

And isn’t that exactly what motherhood does to us?

We enter it with an idea of who we should be.
We think we’re supposed to know what we’re doing.
We think something must be wrong with us if we feel lost or unsure.

So we shrink. We doubt ourselves and push our own needs aside. We try to silence the parts of us that feel too much.

But maybe the answer isn’t to kill off who we used to be… 

Maybe, like Hiccup, we’re meant to understand ourselves.
To make peace with our fears.
To listen.
To evolve.

Because every sleepless night, every messy emotion—the fear, the love, the guilt, the wonder—
it’s all part of uncovering pieces of yourself you never even knew were there.

And that’s when it all made sense to me… Yes, the transition to motherhood is hard. But…

The best way to learn motherhood is to live it.

To show up in the mess.
To grow through the chaos.
To be reshaped by the fire, and still choose to rise.

Feeling lost in motherhood doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It means you’re evolving. You’re becoming. 

Letting go of who you were, and slowly meeting the woman you’re meant to become.

So take a deep breath, mama.

You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re not failing.

You’re becoming.

And that… is powerful. ✨ 

🩵 If this spoke to your heart, send it to a fellow mom who might need to hear this, too.
Sometimes, just knowing we’re not alone can make all the difference. 💕 

And if you’re a first-time mom feeling overwhelmed, lost, or just in need of a little guidance, I created something just for you.

More Than Just a Mom is a gentle self-care resource journal filled with simple, healing prompts to help you reconnect with yourself, because your needs matter too.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. One page at a time, one breath at a time, you’ll find your way back to you. 💛