Let’s face it: there’s no crash course on how to become a great mom.
You can’t sign up for a class or get a degree in “Motherhood Mastery.” No one hands you a manual titled “How to Raise Your Kids Perfectly While Maintaining Your Sanity.”
And yet, somehow, we’re expected to figure it all out.
But here’s the truth: there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for becoming a great mom.
I recently watched Martha, the Netflix documentary about Martha Stewart, which explores her journey from a successful career in the home goods industry to becoming a media mogul.
Her story, filled with determination and resilience, left me deeply inspired, and her words deeply resonated with me:
“How could I be a really great mother if I didn’t have the education to be a mother?”
That question made me ponder and reflect on my own journey. It took me back to my own early days of motherhood—the raw, unfiltered version that only a few often talk about.
When Dreams Meet Reality
I remember, years ago, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a mother. It was one of those childhood hopes, almost like a fairy tale.
Maybe it was because I thought that when I had a family, I would feel whole—complete. I believed that I would be happy, that I would be enough.
But when the moment came and I held my firstborn in my arms, I felt lost. The love was there, but so was the fear, the doubt, and the crushing weight of responsibility.
I was hit with a harsh reality: I wasn’t prepared.
Like Martha, I thought motherhood would come naturally. I believed everything would flow effortlessly, that I’d somehow instinctively become the best mom I could be.
But instead, I found myself struggling.
I felt disconnected and overwhelmed, just going through the motions, desperately trying to fit into a role I didn’t fully understand.
If you’ve read my article about my birth story, you’ll know I didn’t feel like a real mom until my firstborn was nearly a year old. Strange as it sounds, I struggled to bond, to connect, and to be present.
I was just going through the motions, caught in the overwhelming transition from being “me” to becoming “Mom.”
I feared judgment—terrified that I wasn’t a good mother. I tried so hard to fit into the narrative of what society said a great mom should be.
And that’s where the problem lies. We try so hard to meet the expectations of others—not for our children, and certainly not for ourselves.
Drowning in Expectations
The world feeds us endless social norms, constant judgments, and unsolicited advice:
- Should you work or stay home?
- Breastfeed or use formula?
- Is it okay to nurse in public?
- Should you take your one-month-old to the mall?
The noise is deafening. All this nonsense piles up, and it’s exhausting.
I remember the pressure of trying to be a “great mother.” My firstborn’s pediatrician was the kindest, most motherly person—always gentle and helpful. A wonderful woman.
But even her advice felt like a weight. I vividly recall her telling me during one of our early visits, straight in my face, without asking me: “Breastfeed for two years.”
I thought to myself, Okay, I’ll do whatever it takes because that’s what a great mom does.
But the truth is, I didn’t know anything about being a mother. I trusted everything the people around me said because they were mothers, and I believed they knew best.
I loved my daughter so much and wanted nothing but the best for her. Yet, in doing so, I lost myself. My identity took a back seat, and my needs were ignored.
And I unknowingly spiraled into depression.
The Hard Truth: You Matter Too
It wasn’t until my second child was born that I began to understand that being a great mom doesn’t mean meeting everyone else’s expectations.
You don’t need to fit into a mold. You need to show up authentically and create the kind of motherhood that works for you.
When I started prioritizing myself—my sleep, my mental health, and my happiness—I noticed an incredible shift. My patience grew. My joy returned. I was more present with my kids.
Because here’s the truth: you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Motherhood isn’t about perfection. It’s about love, growth, and the courage to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children.
Can You Become a Great Mom?
So, can you really become a great mom without knowing how?
The answer is YES.
Motherhood isn’t about formal lessons or perfect plans. It’s about showing up every day with love, intention, and the courage to grow.
The truth is, you’re already the mom your children need.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Let go of the noise—the judgments, expectations, and impossible standards.
- Focus on what truly matters: the love you give, the presence you bring, and the effort you make every single day.
- Choose self-care, not as a luxury but as a necessity.
Because when you’re happy and healthy, your children thrive.
A Powerful Lesson For Every Mom
I’ll leave you with a lesson I heard in a podcast interview with Dany Garcia, an entrepreneur, on the School of Greatness. Lewis asked Dany:
“How can moms be driven to be entrepreneurial and want success for themselves but also be a great mom at the same time?”
Her response was profound:
"It starts by declaring your intention: ‘I intend to be a great mom.’
You might not feel like a great mom today or tomorrow. But a great mom shows up, loves, and strives to become better. The only judge of whether you’re a great mom is your child.”
And then she added something that resonated deeply:
“And if I weren’t pursuing my passion, I’d be miserable. No one is spared when the mom is unhappy. You can pretend, but it seeps through.
When you let go of the archetypes and create your own version of motherhood, you’ll find success. You’ll discover what works best for you and your child.”
Mama, you’re already the mom your children need.
Be kind to yourself. Trust your instincts. Prioritize your happiness—it’s the foundation of motherhood.
And remember: every step you take on this journey matters.
Because when you thrive, your children flourish.
And that, Mama, is what makes you a great mom.