During our recent trip, I was catching up with one of my closest friends, someone who has known me for almost three decades and has witnessed every season of my life. 

We were chatting about life and how I’ve been doing lately, when she suddenly blurted out, her voice filled with frustration:

“Where’s the Carol I know? I used to be so proud of you…That confident, strong, and capable woman I remember from your days working at that prestigious hotel. I want to see that version of you again. The one who walked with confidence and spark in her eyes.”

Her words hit me hard. I smiled and sighed, because deep down, I knew she was right… I lost myself when I became a mother.  It was a truth I couldn’t ignore.

I didn’t say much after that, but her words stayed with me. 

I thought I had found myself, but this trip reminded me that finding yourself after motherhood is a journey… Slowly, step by step, piece by piece.

And that realization became the beginning of something I didn’t quite expect on this trip.

Finding Pieces of Myself in Unexpected Places

After spending a few days with friends and family in the city, we then flew to Japan to celebrate my eldest daughter’s birthday. 

This trip was full of new experiences for me, filled with so many firsts that made it unforgettable.

• My first trip out of the country since becoming a mother
• My first time leaving the country with kids in tow
• My first trip to a visa-required country, a completely different experience from the warm, bustling places I’d been
• Our first time visiting Disneyland together

Each “first” felt exciting and filled me with hope, reminding me that life is bigger than just the daily routine of being a mom.

As we walked through the busy streets of Tokyo, I noticed women going to work, doing what they love, dressed with confidence and carrying themselves with ease and purpose. Watching them, I realized how much I’d missed feeling like that woman… the confident, competent, excited version of me.

I remembered the woman I used to be, the busy professional who had dreams and plans of her own, and felt a little ache in my chest. I could almost see her again, imagining myself stepping into the next chapter of my life, excited for what’s ahead.

And just when I thought the trip was about new experiences, it became about reconnecting… with others, and with parts of myself I’d long forgotten.

The People Who Bring You Home

Living on the island has made it harder to see my friends and family. The ones who’ve been there through my highs and my lows. So during this trip, I promised myself I’d make time for them.

I hadn’t seen my cousin in years since she moved to Japan. As we talked about life and everything we’d been through, I realized how much we all suffer in silence, trying to carry the burden alone. And yet, in that suffering lies a strength we didn’t know we had. 

Because sometimes, the only thing we can do is to stay strong for our kids and families, even when we’re falling apart inside.

Still, in the middle of our deep, heavy conversation, we found reasons to laugh, turning our struggles into lessons, our pain into connection, and our stories into reminders to keep going. 

Then there were my friends I’ve known for decades. We finally got together, and for the first time in a long while, we opened up, sharing our deepest struggles, our quiet pains, and simply being there for each other.

I also had a quick catch-up with a close colleague. Nothing too serious, just sharing how we’ve been and reliving some memories from our days at work. It was simple, but it reminded me how healing it can feel to laugh and reconnect over moments that once defined a part of who I was.

Being with the people who matter felt like coming home.

I laughed more, spoke more openly, and felt little sparks of confidence slowly returning. 

In their presence, I remembered who I was before life got heavy, and realized she’s still here, just waiting to be seen again.

And that’s when it hit me:

Finding yourself isn’t about changing everything all at once. It’s about noticing the little things that make you feel alive again. The moments, the places, and the people who remind you who you are, and help you find your way back home.

The Realization: Finding Yourself After Motherhood

I thought I had already found myself. But this trip reminded me of a simple truth:

I’m still finding my way. And that’s okay.

Sometimes life takes us so far from ourselves that we forget the person we once were. 

Finding yourself after motherhood isn’t about going back. It’s about discovering who you are now, shaped by everything you’ve been through.

My experience of motherhood transformed everything in my life. I no longer make decisions just for me. Every choice now includes the little humans who depend on me. 

People often say, “Just do what makes you happy,” but it’s not that simple when you’re a mom. There’s always a balance between what your heart wants and what your children need.

Some days, I’m too hard on myself for not having it all figured out. When I start to feel frustrated and uncertain, I remind myself how much my life has changed in just a few short years—moving from the city to an island, becoming a mother, and transitioning from a career woman to a stay-at-home mom. 

That’s a lot to process, and it has been very tough for me. I didn’t realize how many transitions I had gone through in just four years until I sat down to write this.

So I’m learning to take it one day at a time. To slow down. To find joy in the small, fleeting moments… The laughter, the milestones, even the chaos.

Because, despite the mixed emotions and the uncertainty, I know this season won’t last forever.

And maybe that’s the beauty of it…

Learning to hold gratitude and growth at the same time.

Coming Home to Yourself

Finding yourself after motherhood isn’t a destination you reach. It’s a journey you live. Sometimes messy, sometimes slow, but always worth it. 

Some days you feel like the confident, unstoppable woman you used to be. Other days, you feel lost again, hopeless, and unsure of yourself. And that’s okay.  Both are part of the journey.

Growth isn’t about having it all figured out…

It’s about taking the small steps that bring you closer to who you truly are. It’s about reconnecting with what makes you feel alive, reigniting the dreams you’ve set aside, and remembering the woman beneath all the responsibilities.

And here’s the beautiful truth: even while you’re still finding your way, even when it feels unclear and uncomfortable, you are moving forward. 

Every tiny step, every bit of courage, every quiet moment of rediscovery counts.

Because maybe finding yourself again isn’t about becoming who you were. It’s about coming home to who you’re meant to be.

Maybe the woman my friend was looking for never really disappeared. She’s just growing… Softer, wiser, still learning her way home.

Sometimes, we need to get lost to find ourselves again.

And maybe, just maybe, you’re not lost at all. 

You’re simply on your way home. Slowly. Steadily. Beautifully.

🩵 If this spoke to your heart, send it to a fellow mom who might need to hear this, too.

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