Motherhood changes everything. It’s a journey that’s both beautiful and tough in ways no one really tells you about. Before the sweet snuggles and little laughs, there are hard truths that every mom should know.
If you’re dreaming of becoming a mother, keep reading. What I’m about to share might change how you see this journey.
Already deep into the journey of motherhood? Stay with me, as my story might resonate with your own.
Here’s what you need to understand before stepping into this life-changing adventure.
The Perfect Family
I still remember the day I wished to become a Mom. I was a naive child, blissfully unaware of the complexities of the world. I had this perfect picture in my head of my beautiful future family, holding hands, children laughing and playing. A perfect life.
As I grew older, my desire for a family persisted. This time, I had a justification: a family would complete me, infuse my life with purpose, and make me the happiest person alive.
Fast forward to today, I am blessed with two beautiful daughters and an angel watching over me.
So, did having a family complete me? Did it give my life a purpose? Did it make me the happiest person in the world? If I could talk to my younger self now, I’d say, “You gotta be f*ck*ng kidding me! You have no idea what you’re in for!”
Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mother and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am grateful to have my two wonderful daughters in my life. However, my motivations were misguided. I believed that having a family and children would make my life complete, give it meaning, and bring me happiness.
I was wrong.
Let me share a hard truth: motherhood won’t make your life complete, nor will it give your life meaning or eternal happiness. Because—
You need to be whole first, find your own purpose, and be content with yourself before having children.
Raising children is a significant responsibility. They did not choose to be born; it is your choice to have them. Children are precious, innocent beings who depend on us for their physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
To be the best mother you can be, you need to first be happy and fulfilled. Our children reflect our state of mind; they won’t thrive if we’re not okay. So, give them the best start in life by first ensuring you’re secure and happy with yourself.
Here are the most important insights and life-changing lessons to consider before having children, drawn from my journey into motherhood:
1. Get to Know Yourself. What makes you happy? What activities do you enjoy? Who do you look up to? Reflect on what you love about yourself and where you want to grow.
Understanding your core values is essential. Knowing what truly matters to you helps you act in a way that feels right. When your values align with your actions, they become your life’s anchor, providing stability and purpose.
Your values are crucial when making decisions, especially when choosing a partner.
2. Identify your triggers. We all carry some form of childhood trauma. You may not remember, but your body does. These hidden scars can manifest as triggers—things like discomfort with noise, or certain situations that make you feel uncomfortable. Don’t ignore these feelings. Try to understand why you feel the way you do.
Rather than running away from your emotions, it’s best to acknowledge and embrace them. Knowing your triggers is essential, as the challenges of motherhood can unknowingly push your buttons and bring certain triggers to the surface.
By knowing your triggers, you become better equipped to handle motherhood with more awareness and resilience.
3. Choose the right partner. Choosing the right partner is one of the most crucial decisions you’ll ever make, especially if you plan on having children. This decision shapes your entire life. Unlike your parents or siblings, your partner is the person you’ll share most of your journey with.
Motherhood brings countless changes and challenges. Having the right partner by your side means you’ll have the mental and emotional support you need to navigate these moments. Ensure your values align when choosing a partner, as this alignment forms the foundation of a strong relationship.
Above all, trust your instincts.
If something feels off, it probably is. I learned this the hard way, and it’s a lesson I can’t emphasize enough. Your partner will profoundly impact your life, so choose wisely.
4. Love yourself. “The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.” Embrace who you are, imperfections and all. You are your biggest supporter, and striving to be the best version of yourself means accepting your flaws and celebrating your strengths. Don’t waste time trying to be someone you’re not.
When you love yourself, other people’s opinions lose their power.
You’ll act in harmony with your values and desires, not what society expects. This authenticity and genuineness are key to a fulfilling and happy life.
If you’re considering motherhood, take the time to reflect on your reasons for wanting children. Understand that loving and knowing yourself is essential before embarking on this journey.
Your well-being and self-awareness are the foundation for raising happy and healthy children.
To All You Incredible Moms and Women
Just a gentle reminder: you hold the power to shape your destiny and the legacy you leave behind. Embrace your strength, trust your intuition, and dare to live a life filled with purpose and passion. Prioritize your happiness, fulfillment, and empowerment.
When you’re genuinely happy and fulfilled, you will attract the right people and opportunities into your life.
Take actionable steps to create a life that aligns with your values and honors your authentic self. By doing so, you not only enhance your well-being but also create a nurturing environment for your children to thrive.
Remember, your journey begins with you. Empower yourself, shape your own story, and let your inner light shine brightly. Your future self and your children will thank you for it.