I’ll never tell you how to parent. Why?
Not because I don’t care. Not because I don’t have my own share of hard-earned lessons.
Because… how could I?
Every child is different. Every family is different. And every mom’s journey… is its own wild, messy, beautiful story.
I learned this the hard way.
I still remember that moment, standing in an elevator at the mall with my 3-week-old baby, just trying to breathe and survive another day of postpartum overwhelm.
A woman I didn’t even know kept staring at me. You know that stare… the one that makes your heart race and your inner critic scream louder.
And then… she spoke. “How old is your baby?” she asked.
I smiled, feeling proud and a little brave for getting out of the house with a newborn. “She’s 3 weeks old,” I said.
And just like that… without knowing anything about what I was going through… She hit me with:
“You shouldn’t bring her out in public places at that age.”
Her words landed like a punch to the gut.
In that single moment… every doubt I had been holding back came rushing in:
Was I already failing her?
Was I being reckless?
Am I already a bad mom… this early?
That wasn’t the first… or the last… time I’d hear unsolicited opinions on how to parent.
We’re surrounded by it—On social media. From family. From strangers in grocery store aisles… elevators… everywhere. And instead of helping… most of the time, it just makes us question ourselves even more.
It makes us feel like we’re doing it wrong. Like we’re falling short. Like we’re failing our kids… and failing as moms. And for a while… I let those voices get to me.
I second-guessed myself over the smallest things.
I spiraled in guilt.
I constantly wondered… Am I doing this right?
But here’s the truth I’ve learned after years of figuring it out the messy way:
There’s no single answer for how to parent.
Because every child… every family… and every mother… is different.
And somewhere along this bumpy, beautiful journey… I had a realization that changed everything:
I don’t need to follow every parenting rule out there. I don’t need to have it all figured out. And I definitely don’t need to be perfect.
Because there’s really just one thing that matters most… One thing I believe with my whole heart…
If I want my kids to grow up happy, resilient, and thriving… I have to show them what that looks like…
It starts with me. It starts with working on myself.
And that’s the one truth I’ll never stop sharing with any mom willing to listen.
Why I Stopped Giving Parenting Advice (And What I’ve Learned About How to Parent Instead)
For the longest time, I believed that being a good mom meant figuring out exactly how to parent the “right” way.
Especially as a first-time mom… I was struggling. I often felt like I was doing everything wrong.
I’d scroll through social media late at night, nursing my baby with one hand and doom-scrolling with the other… Looking at moms who seemed to have it all together… The perfect routines… the smiling kids… the peaceful bedtimes.
And I’d find myself thinking…
“Am I even doing this right? Is this really how to parent well?”
Every doctor’s visit turned into another opportunity for me to ask for advice… Because in my mind, they knew better.
I remember one moment so clearly… My firstborn was in that phase where putting her to sleep felt so hard. She would only fall asleep if I carried her… rocked her… walked her around until my arms went numb.
So at one check-up, desperate and sleep-deprived, I asked the young doctor: “How do I put her to sleep without carrying her all the time?”
She looked at me with that face… you know the one… the kind that makes you feel small without saying much. And she said: “Just put her down and pat her gently. She’ll fall asleep on her own.”
I remember staring back and saying: “I’ve already tried that… and it doesn’t work.”
Her response? “But that’s how you should do it.”
That moment stuck with me. Not just because I felt unheard… but because it summed up what so much parenting advice feels like: A one-size-fits-all solution for something that isn’t one-size at all.
The more advice I consumed, the more I compared myself to moms on Instagram who seemed to handle parenting perfectly. The more disconnected I became from my own instincts.
It felt like I was parenting from someone else’s rulebook, trying to follow steps that just didn’t fit my baby… or me. And honestly? It never worked.
That’s when I decided to stop.
I stopped trying to apply every parenting method I came across.
I stopped measuring my motherhood against someone else’s highlight reel.
I stopped letting outside voices drown out my own.
Because the truth is…
There’s no single formula for how to parent.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about how to parent in a way that feels true, healthy, and real… It’s this:
Start with yourself.
Focus on your healing.
Prioritize your happiness.
Work on becoming the healthiest, most grounded, most joyful version of you.
Because when you’re okay… your kids will feel it. When you thrive… they’ll learn how to thrive too.
That’s the one parenting truth I’ll always believe in… and the only thing I’ll ever confidently share.
It Was Never About What I Said… It Was About What They Saw
Some of the most important lessons our kids learn… aren’t the ones we teach with words.
Our kids don’t just listen to what we say… they watch who we are.
They watch how we handle stress.
They notice how we speak to ourselves when we make a mistake.
They see how we set boundaries… or how we let people cross them.
They feel our energy—whether we’re calm… overwhelmed… joyful… or hanging on by a thread.
I’ve seen it with my own kids, more times than I can count.
When I’m stressed and snapping at everything… they mirror that frustration right back at me.
When I’m distracted… they get restless.
When I’m struggling… they feel it.
But here’s the beautiful part… When I’m patient and present, they soften too.
When I grab my dumbbells and go for a workout, they join me, even if they’re just rolling around or giggling in the corner.
When I sit quietly with my morning coffee, they grab their toy cups pretending they’re having coffee too.
When I’m on my laptop working on something I love, they pull out their toy laptops and “work” alongside me.
And in those simple, ordinary moments… it hits me:
They’re picking up so much more from what I do… than from what I say.
They’re always watching. Always absorbing. Not just my words… but my habits, my moods, my energy… the way I care for myself… and how I show up for life.
Then I realized, if I want my kids to grow up knowing how to love themselves, how to protect their peace, how to rest, how to set boundaries, and how to go after their dreams, I have to show them how it’s done.
Because telling them isn’t enough. I have to live it.
And no… that doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being real.
It means letting them see me work on myself…
Letting them see me struggle and then get back up…
Letting them see me choose joy… healing… growth… even on the hard days.
That one mindset shift—choosing to be the example instead of chasing perfection—has changed everything about how I show up as a mom.
What Being ‘The Example’ Actually Looks Like in Real Life
Now… I know what you’re probably thinking:
“That sounds great… but what does that even look like when the house is a mess, the kids are fighting, and I’m running on three hours of sleep?”
Trust me… I get it.
This isn’t about creating a Pinterest-perfect life…
Or waking up at 5 AM for yoga and green smoothies (unless that brings you joy… then by all means, go for it!).
Learning how to parent in a way that feels real and sustainable isn’t about perfection… it’s about intention.
It’s about the small choices we make—day after day—that slowly shape the atmosphere our kids grow up in.
Here’s what that looks like in my life (and maybe yours too):
Taking a break when I’m overwhelmed
Instead of pushing through until I snap at everyone… I pause.
I breathe.
Sometimes I even say out loud,
“Mama needs a few minutes to calm down.”
And guess what? My kids are learning that it’s okay to pause when their emotions feel too big too.
Saying no to things that drain me
Whether it’s choosing to stay behind while the family heads out for a fun day because I have work that needs my focus…
Or simply saying no because I’m tired and my energy is already running low…
I’m learning to say no without guilt.
And by doing that… I’m teaching my kids that their boundaries matter too.
Letting them see me rest
For years, I believed that if I wasn’t doing something productive… I was being lazy.
I thought being a “good mom” meant always being busy, always giving, always on the go.
Now? I rest when I need to.
I spend quiet time alone.
I let them see me doing… absolutely nothing sometimes.
Because I want them to grow up knowing this: Rest isn’t a reward. It’s a right.
Chasing my own dreams
I’m at my happiest when I’m learning new things… working on goals that excite me… chasing passions that light me up.
And I want my kids to see that.
Because when they watch me going after my dreams… they’ll believe they can chase theirs too.
Apologizing when I get it wrong
Because let’s be real… I do. Often. And every time I say: “I’m sorry for raising my voice… I’ll do better next time,” I’m teaching them that making mistakes is human… And that it’s always okay to own up, repair, and try again.
So if you’re still wondering how to parent when life feels chaotic and far from perfect…
Start here.
Start with the small, real, everyday moments. Start with showing up for yourself… And letting your kids see what that looks like.
Because every small, intentional choice you make is shaping how your kids will one day love themselves, protect their peace, and show up for their own dreams.
And honestly? Isn’t that what we all want for them?
Real-Life Moments That Taught Me How to Parent with Intention
Here’s something I wish more moms heard:
When you heal… they heal too.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that focusing on yourself is selfish.
That taking time for your mental health… setting boundaries… or going after your dreams somehow takes away from your kids.
But the truth is… it does the opposite.
Learning how to parent in a way that truly supports your kids starts with choosing yourself.
When you choose healing over hiding…
When you choose rest over burnout…
When you choose growth over staying stuck…
You’re giving your kids permission to do the same.
They’re watching you choose yourself, and they’re learning that it’s okay for them to choose themselves too.
When you set boundaries, they learn they don’t have to say yes to everything.
When you take care of your mind and body, they learn that their well-being matters.
When you go after something that scares you but you do it anyway, they learn that fear doesn’t have to stop them.
You’re showing them what resilience looks like.
What healing looks like.
What self-respect looks like.
What dreaming big looks like.
And on the days when you fall apart? When you cry in the bathroom or feel like giving up? Even then… you’re teaching them something powerful:
That it’s okay to feel it all… And it’s okay to get back up again.
That… is real-life parenting.
That’s how to parent in a way that leaves a legacy of strength, healing, and emotional safety.
This is the ripple effect of a mother’s healing. It doesn’t just change you… It changes the whole atmosphere in your home.
It breaks cycles.
It writes new stories.
And one day… when your kids grow up and face their own storms, they’ll carry your example with them.
They’ll remember how you kept showing up for yourself… And for them.
My Heartfelt Reminder for Every Mom Reading This
So no… I’ll never tell you how to parent. I won’t give you a list of do’s and don’ts.
I won’t tell you how many screen hours are okay… or what discipline method works best…
Because honestly? That’s not my place.
But what I will tell you… What I will keep reminding you… Is this:
The best gift you can give your kids… is a happy, healthy, fulfilled version of you.
When you choose healing…
When you choose growth…
When you choose to love yourself the way you love them…
You’re giving them something no parenting book could ever teach:
An example of what it looks like to thrive.
And no matter how messy or imperfect your journey feels… That’s enough.
You’re enough.
So if you’ve been waiting for a sign to start working on yourself, to take that small step towards your own healing…
This is it. Not next month. Not next year.
Today. Choose yourself.
Do it for them. Do it for you. Do it because you both deserve to grow up surrounded by love, hope, and possibility.
Because when you thrive, they will too.
The best parenting decision I’ve ever made was to stop obsessing over how to parent “right” and start focusing on becoming the healthiest, happiest version of myself.
Because when I’m okay… my kids feel it.
When I’m healing… they start healing too.
And when I thrive… they learn how to thrive alongside me.
That’s the parenting truth I’ll never stop sharing.
P.S. If this spoke to your heart… send it to a mom friend who needs this reminder today. 💕
🩵 Want to Go Deeper on This Journey?
If you’re ready to take this work even further…
I’ve created a special resource just for moms like you.
It’s called “More Than Just Mom”—a fillable, printable self-care and reflection journal designed to help you reconnect with yourself, your goals, and the woman you are beyond motherhood.
Because figuring out how to parent in a way that feels true… often starts with finding your way back to you.
