You wake up and your heart’s already pounding… Not from a bad dream.
Just… life.
Your brain’s racing before your feet even hit the floor.
What’s for breakfast? Did I wash the uniform? When’s the pedia appointment again? Oh no—did I reply to the school group chat?
You glance at the clock and think,
“How the hell am I supposed to do it all today??”
Sound familiar?
Mama, let me tell you something:
You’re not lazy.
You’re not disorganized.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re just carrying too much.
This is about the mental load of motherhood. And if you’re a stay-at-home mom, chances are you’re carrying all of it.
Every meal. Every errand.
Every schedule, plan, reminder, emotional meltdown, and never-ending list in your head.
It’s invisible. It’s exhausting. And it’s real.
I used to live in that fog… forgetting things. Snapping at my kids.
Lying in bed at night, wondering why I felt so drained, like I was doing everything, and yet still felt like I was falling short.
Until I started doing one simple thing every day.
Nothing fancy. Just one little habit that helped me relax and breathe again.
It didn’t fix everything, but it gave me space, clarity, and a sense of control.
In this blog, I’m going to share the one habit that helped me feel human again— the habit of following a simple daily routine.
Because if you’re overwhelmed by the mental load of motherhood and don’t know where to start, this could be the first small step back to feeling like yourself again.
What Is the Mental Load of Motherhood?
Mental load is the invisible mental work that never stops.
It’s the thinking behind the doing.
You’re not just making meals… you’re remembering who likes what, when the fridge needs restocking, what’s expiring soon, and whether dinner works around tonight’s school activity.
It’s the constant planning, remembering, checking, anticipating, and problem-solving that no one sees… but that you carry every single day.
Dr. Susan Maushart, sociologist and author of The Mask of Motherhood, puts it simply:
“Mental load is the burden of remembering. Of making sure nothing falls through the cracks. It’s the invisible, relentless planning and managing that women—especially mothers—do, whether they realize it or not.”
I remember going through a season of deep mental exhaustion… but I didn’t know it had a name.
I couldn’t explain it, so I blamed myself.
I thought I was just being forgetful…
like when I’d open the fridge and just stand there, wondering why I even walked over.
I thought I was just being impatient…
like when I’d snap at my kids over something small, then feeling crushed with guilt five minutes later.
I thought I was just scattered…
because I was always walking around with this nagging feeling that I’d forgotten something important, but couldn’t remember what.
It wasn’t until much later that I came across a post on social media that everything finally clicked.
They were talking about the mental load of motherhood, and suddenly… it all made sense.
It wasn’t me.
It was the mental load—the invisible, never-ending weight I’d been carrying in my mind every single day.
All the remembering. All the planning. All the worrying. All the emotional labor. It was all too overwhelming.
The French cartoonist Emma famously illustrated it in her viral comic You Should’ve Asked, showing how women often carry the mental load and the responsibility of noticing what needs to be done in the first place.
It’s the reason why, even when you sit down for a break, your brain doesn’t.
You’re mentally sorting out tomorrow’s lunchbox, the pediatrician’s next available slot, your toddler’s nap schedule, and what snack won’t trigger a meltdown.
You’re the default: Planner. Scheduler. Reminder. Fixer. Peacekeeper.
Most of it goes unseen.
And yet, it’s the very thing that’s wearing you down.
Mama, you don’t just do things.
You think about them. Constantly.
And that’s why you’re so tired—even if you “didn’t do much today.”
The Effects of Mental Load on Moms
Mental load of motherhood isn’t just “a lot on your plate.”
It’s the invisible weight you carry on your shoulders, in your mind, and in your heart—all day, every day. And the truth is, most of the world doesn’t see it.
But your body and brain definitely do.
This invisible labor is mentally exhausting, emotionally draining, and over time… it starts to break you down.
It shows up as:
Snapping at your kids over something small (and then feeling awful about it)
Feeling resentful of your partner for “not getting it”
Waking up tired, even after sleep
Forgetting simple things and instantly blaming yourself
Decision fatigue—where even choosing what to cook feels like too much
That heavy guilt that follows you around all day
You start to wonder: Why can’t I just handle this better?
But here’s the truth:
“When one person is responsible for not only doing the tasks, but also remembering to do them, planning them, and anticipating needs, it creates a massive cognitive overload.”
— Dr. Regina Lark, productivity expert and author of Emotional Labor: Why A Woman’s Work Is Never Done
A 2019 study by Bright Horizons found that 86% of working moms say they handle the majority of the household responsibilities, even when they’re also working full-time. And even more stay-at-home moms report feeling like they’re never off duty.
This constant mental work leads to:
Anxiety
Burnout
Loss of identity
Decreased self-esteem
Disconnection in relationships
Experts call this chronic stress caused by invisible labor a “silent contributor to maternal burnout.”
And it’s not “just in your head.” According to the American Psychological Association, chronic stress from the mental load can affect memory, immune health, and even emotional regulation.
It drains your joy.
It steals your patience.
It chips away at your sense of self—until you don’t even recognize the woman in the mirror.
But, mama… it doesn’t have to stay this way.
You’re not broken.
You’re just overloaded.
And there are ways to start taking that weight off.
One small habit at a time.
The Power of Routines
Here’s the truth:
Routines won’t make your life perfect. But they will make it lighter.
A simple routine is like a rhythm your mind can dance to. It removes the need to constantly make decisions on the spot. It gives structure to the chaos.
When you already know what to do, your brain doesn’t have to work overtime trying to figure it all out.
Instead of spinning in circles, you get to move through your day with more ease.
A daily routine creates:
Mental clarity
A sense of predictability and safety
More time for what truly matters
Fewer decisions and less overwhelm
It’s not about being rigid. It’s about creating space to breathe.
Strategies to Ease Mental Load (Starting with One Simple Daily Habit)
So where do you begin… when you’re already running on empty?
You start small.
You start with one simple daily habit that makes your mind feel less cluttered and your day feel a little lighter.
No pressure. No perfection. Just one shift.
1. Create a Morning or Evening Reset Routine
Pick one part of the day—just one—to build a gentle rhythm into your life.
☀️ Morning idea: Before the chaos starts, jot down your top 3 priorities for the day. Keep it simple. This clears your mind and helps you focus.
🌝 Evening idea: Take 10 minutes to reset your space, jot down lingering thoughts, and prep for tomorrow.
🧠 Why it works:
Psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera says, “A morning routine is the most important act of self-care.”
It grounds you. It creates safety. It signals to your brain that you’re in control—and that gentle structure can help calm your nervous system and set the tone for the rest of your day.
I started by creating a simple daily schedule. Nothing fancy, just knowing what I needed to focus on each day. It’s like giving my brain a map, so I don’t wake up already spinning.
At night, I plan ahead for the next morning.
If I want to go for a run, I tell my partner in advance so he can watch the kids.
I think about breakfast the night before, so I can prep it quietly while the house is still asleep.
It’s small, but it makes a big difference.
There’s less scrambling, less decision-making on the spot, and way more peace of mind.
It’s not about perfection. It’s about having one small system that helps you breathe easier.
2. Write Things Down
Stop trying to store everything in your head.
That mental to-do list? It’s taking up too much space.
Use a journal, a whiteboard, sticky notes, or your phone. Offload the mental clutter and give your brain a break.
🧠 Why it works:
Science shows that writing things down engages multiple brain functions—from organizing and planning ideas to connecting thoughts, freeing up your working memory so your mind can breathe.
Personally, I have a planner right by my bed where I jot down anything important I need to remember—appointments, reminders, even thoughts that pop into my head before sleep.
But since I always have my phone with me, I also use my Notes app throughout the day. It’s simple, fast, and accessible.
I organize my notes by categories and mark anything urgent or time-sensitive as a priority, so I don’t have to rely on my already-tired brain to remember it all.
It might seem small, but writing things down has helped me feel so much less overwhelmed, because I’m no longer mentally carrying what I can simply write down.
3. Batch or Automate the Small Stuff
Your brain makes thousands of micro-decisions a day. No wonder you’re exhausted.
Create themed days (e.g., Taco Tuesdays, Laundry Fridays)
Build a capsule wardrobe so you don’t have to think about outfits
Set up recurring reminders for bills, tasks, or school checklists
It’s not laziness. It’s a strategy. The fewer decisions you make, the more mental energy you save for what really matters.
For me, cooking is my biggest task every day, so I batch cook on Saturdays. I portion meals out and store them in the fridge or freezer, ready to go whenever I need them.
I also do themed breakfasts to take the guesswork out of mornings.
If you’ve been following me on Instagram, you probably know…
It’s French Toast Saturdays and Pancake Sundays in our home.
It might sound silly, but it saves me from asking, “What do I make for breakfast?” when my brain is still half asleep.
Little routines like these don’t just simplify your day. They give you back mental space and peace of mind.
4. Share the Load (Yes, Really)
You don’t have to do it all alone. You were never meant to.
Start small:
Ask your partner to take over specific recurring tasks
Use shared calendars or reminder apps with your family
Let go of “only I can do it right” (hard, but healing)
📣“Dr. Regina Lark points out in her TEDx talk that emotional labor—the endless remembering, planning, and anticipating—weighs heavily on women’s shoulders. She stresses that delegation must be real—not just assisted, to truly reduce mental load.”
In our home, my partner watches the kids in the morning after breakfast—that’s our schedule. It’s a small routine, but it makes a big difference.
It also gives me something I used to think was impossible: time to do something for myself.
Like writing my blog, learning a new skill, or just enjoying a quiet moment, without guilt.
I carve out time for self-care in my day… because taking care of me is just as important as taking care of everything else.
Whether it’s a workout, quiet time to journal, or meeting a friend for coffee, I plan it in advance and let my partner know. That way, he’s on board, and I don’t feel guilty for taking that time.
And the more you include it in your routine, the more you protect your energy, your joy, and your sense of self.
5. Make It Yours
Your routine doesn’t need to be perfect.
It doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.
It just needs to work for you.
Make it flexible. Make it forgiving. Make it feel good.
And remember, the goal isn’t productivity. It’s peace.
Because you don’t need another pressure.
You need a soft place to land.
V. Let’s Lighten the Mental Load of Motherhood
If you’ve been feeling scattered, overwhelmed, or like you’re disappearing under the weight of everything you carry…
I want you to hear this:
You are not broken.
You’re just carrying too much.
And you don’t have to carry it all alone.
The mental load of motherhood is real. And it’s heavy.
But it doesn’t have to stay this way.
Because sometimes, the biggest shifts begin with something small.
Like choosing one simple routine.
One daily habit that gives your brain a break and your heart a little space to breathe.
It won’t solve everything overnight.
But over time, it can help you:
✔ Reclaim your time
✔ Ease your anxiety and overwhelm
✔ Restore your mental and emotional energy
✔ Show up as the mom—and woman—you want to be
So let this be your moment.
✨ Pick one part of your day.
✨ Choose one gentle rhythm.
✨ Let that be your anchor.
Because you weren’t meant to just survive motherhood.
You were meant to thrive inside it—with joy, presence, and peace.
You’ve got this, mama. 💪🤗
🩵 Want to Take This Further?
If you’re ready to start your self-care journey for real—not just wish for it, my fillable and printable journal, More Than Just Mom, is here to gently walk with you. One page. One breath. One habit at a time.
🌺 Need a gentle place to start?
You may download my free Sample Daily Routine Checklist for Moms and Fillable Self-Care Checklist, created to help you carve out space for you, even on the busiest days.
